I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
