im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
her vagine was all disorganized.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
