Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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