I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
