Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I smell like Dick and happiness
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
