Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
