Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
