uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
