Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
