we have officially lost it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
