Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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