You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
