Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just cut my nipple shaving
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
