thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
