i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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