i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize