can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
