my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
