I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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