party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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