Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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