Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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