the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
