hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
