How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
