well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
