we're chasing vodka with high fives
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
