If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
