This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
