apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
