last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
