At least make sure they are 18
Why
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
