defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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