My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
