She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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