You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
