I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
