i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize