i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
