she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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