she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
