just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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