it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
