today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
