just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize