Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
