No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
