You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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