Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
