Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
40s are totally the cure
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
