Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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