My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
