sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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