I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize