I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize