Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
