you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
