she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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