I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
