There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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