My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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