When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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